


Maybe We Are Both To Blame

by Rough_Rabbit_Head



Series: YomoUta Fics [2]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Love Bites, M/M, Makeup Sex, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:20:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7064992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rough_Rabbit_Head/pseuds/Rough_Rabbit_Head
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Look at the mess I’ve made,” he finally broke the silence, the smallest of chuckles accompanying his words. “I am so stupid to have put you through this, my raven.”</p><p>“Yeah?” the other closed his eyes, taken aback by the amount of unguarded emotion in Uta’s voice. “Well, maybe we are both to blame. I was pretty stupid, too.”</p><p>---</p><p>Or the one in which Uta panics and breaks Yomo's heart and then has to make it all better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe We Are Both To Blame

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Benishigure_hippo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Benishigure_hippo/gifts).



> Alright, so I didn't plan writing this, in fact, I was in the process of writing the next chapter for Save Me From the Memories, but then I received word that my dearest friend is having a really hard time right now and was all like "Baby, it's okay, Mamma's coming with some gay babies!" And yeah, this was born. I am so fucking sorry, this wasn't meant to have this much angst in it. I was supposed to write something happy and cute and fluffy with all the homos!!! I hope this makes you smile a little all the same, sweetheart. My Kaneki needs his Tsukiyama, okay?
> 
> Yomo's thoughts in the beginning put me in mind of Soap by Melanie Martinez, so um... There's that.
> 
> Forewarning, the POV jumps around a bit. I couldn't think of any way to get both party's thoughts across without doing that. I hope it wasn't confusing to read...

The room around him was dark and silent as he laid in bed, tired eyes staring up at the ceiling as if it would provide him with the answers he so desperately wanted to find. The faint breeze bustling through the open window above him did nothing to calm his nerves, his entire body felt like it was buzzing with energy. He was torn between wanting to fall asleep and never wake up and getting his ass out of bed and going after the man he wanted by his side the most. He would never admit it aloud, but he deeply regretted letting him walk out of his life.

 

His mind flashed with unwanted memories of the past few weeks. He could still hear the sound of glass shattering next to his head from the cup the man had thrown at him in anger, the contents cold as they splashed across his shoulders. He could still see the look on the other’s face as he told him he was leaving. He could still remember the door to his apartment slamming closed before his eyes as the only person he ever truly loved walked away forever.

 

Everything was his fault, he couldn’t deny it, even to himself. He knew better than to open his mouth and allow his true feelings to bubble over into the open. Their relationship was never about their feelings and he knew that Uta would never truly love him. He had made that painfully obvious to him. Their arrangement was merely convenient at the time and while he found himself falling in love, his partner felt nothing more than lust towards him. He knew it well, but there was nothing he could do to slow his decent into the depths of better left unsaid emotions.

 

All he could do was lay still, silently hoping everything would disappear and he would stop feeling anything. Life was easier that way. Always had been. If he didn’t feel anything, he wouldn’t get hurt. If he didn’t trust anyone, then no one could get inside and force him to feel. He had made that mistake and he knew he wouldn’t be recovering any time soon. Not when Uta was everything to him. Not when he had willingly played with fire and let himself be burned to ashes. It was his own fault he was in the situation he was in and now. He could do nothing but wait in agony as the tide rolls in and threatens to wash him away. At this point, he would probably let it take him.

 

* * *

 

 

He sat curled up on a chair in his shop, eyes trained on the floor as he desperately tried to silence his own mind. He hoped to keep himself busy with work, but it seemed fate was against him as he had no more orders to fill and no one had wondered in from the street in hours. He found himself lost in the void of his regrets and now there was nothing to do but drown. He sighed softly as he rose to flip the sign on the door so he could close shop for the night before moving upstairs to his apartment.

 

He had every intention of working on a new painting in hopes of keeping himself distracted, but that notion was blown out the window as soon as he entered his room. His eyes landed on a grey jacket draped carefully over his desk chair; one that didn’t belong to him. He stared at it for a lingering moment before picking it up and slipping it on, allowing himself to become enveloped by the familiar aroma of its owner. He fell to his bed, face buried in the fabric of it as he tried to smother himself in the comfort the scent usually brought to him. His mind went back to the last time he had seen the man bringing a shiver of repentance over him. He hated himself for what he had done to destroy the only thing good in his life.

 

The both of them had shared a rare day off and decided to spend it together at Renji’s apartment. Everything was calm as they mindlessly watched movies in each other’s embrace on the sofa. His partner had been playing with his hair, his attention obviously more on him than the movie they were watching at the time. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the intimacy behind the movements. Still, he was caught off guard when the other opened his mouth and said the three words he would never admit to wanting to hear. He panicked in that moment, unsure of what he should do. His heart was screaming at him to return those words, to reassure Renji that he wasn’t the only one to plunge into the unknown emotions they brought with them, but his scattered thoughts wouldn’t allow it to be that easy.

 

Before he could even comprehend his own actions, he had moved from the couch. He could hear himself saying painful things to the man he wanted to stay beside forever as he stood too, hands defensive as he became irrationally angry. He felt himself pick up the glass he had been drinking from and throw it at the other a silent thank you to whatever entity out there listening that he wasn’t in the right mind to aim properly and potentially harm that handsome face across from him. He had fled from him in poorly masked fear as he informed Renji that he wasn’t coming back.

 

Gods how he hated himself for instinctively reacting so violently. Maybe it was due to the deep rooted fear that if he got too close to the silver haired man that he would lose him to the dangerous world they lived in. He cared far too much about him to allow him to get hurt. He laughed bitterly at the thought. He spent years convincing them both that he would never love the man in hopes of keeping him safe from harm, but in the end, he was the one to hurt him the most.

 

This was all his fault. If he hadn’t have been so scared of losing Renji, he might have been able to open up and show him he wasn’t the only one who had tumbled off the cliff headfirst. He was to blame for the pain he felt in his chest as he laid alone in bed, breathing in the smell he could never get enough of from a jacket the man had left at his place by mistake. It was all his fault and he couldn’t take it anymore.

 

He took a moment to compose himself before standing up and straightening out his clothes. He thought for a moment about removing Renji’s jacket, but then decided it didn’t matter either way. Not when he was going to see him anyways. If he couldn’t get him back, then a least he could return the article so it wouldn’t taunt him any longer. He needed to make this pain stop. It was a long shot, but he had to try.

 

A few moments later, he was stepping out into the chilly night air and starting himself on the familiar trek to the apartment he had ran away from a few weeks before. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do once he got there, but he didn’t care at this point. He needed to see him again, even if it was the last chance he got. Even if he had no hope of fixing the cracks he made.

 

* * *

 

 

He stood outside the door, fighting with his own mind. He wanted desperately to right his wrongs, but now that he was so close he was beginning to doubt himself. He had no way of knowing if Renji was even home. For all he knew, the man could have fled the ward entire to avoid the risk of running into him again.

 

He shook his head and knocked softly. When he didn’t receive an answer, he let out a sigh. This was probably for the best. In a last ditch effort, he bent down to a potted plant Renji kept by the door. He smiled faintly as he found the spare key was still there. He hesitated for the briefest of moments before unlocking the door and letting himself in the dark and silent apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

He was jostled from his thoughts by a faint knocking echoing through his apartment. He turned his gaze in that direction. It almost sounded like the rhythm Uta always used before he had told him where the spare key was kept. He waited a moment to see if it would sound again, but sighed when all remained still. He had probably imagined it. Not surprising considering how badly he wanted him to come back to him.

 

Just as he was about to settle back into his self-loathing thoughts, he heard the sound of a key turning in the door. He sat up and waited, his interest peaked. Within moments, the door opened and someone stepped inside, locking the door behind them before toeing off their shoes. His heart raced as he rose to his feet and started walking into the living room at the same time the person at the door started walking towards his room with practiced ease, clearly someone who has been here enough to have memorized the lay out. He flicked on a light and their eyes met.

 

His mind was conflicted. He simultaneously wanted to rush forward and kiss the man in front of him and possibly beat the living shit out of him for suddenly showing up unannounced after everything. He could tell Uta was struggling with himself, no doubt trying to think of something to say to him. An eternity passed in silence as they stared at each other, each hoping the other would break first.

 

* * *

 

 

It was Uta who moved first. He dashed towards Renji, arms coming to wrap tightly around him, an embrace that was eagerly returned. They stayed like that for minutes that felt like years, Uta’s hands fisting in the back of Renji’s shirt as the taller of the two threaded one hand through long, black locks. Neither had spoken yet, neither knew the words to say.

 

When the shorter pulled back to look up at him, Renji leaned down and captured his lips in a heated kiss, completely halting his attempt at apologizing. The kiss spoke louder than either of them could as both tried to desperately pour all of their emotions into it. Without even thinking about it, the taller started walking backwards, the other following just as mindlessly, their lips never breaking apart as the kiss deepened. Tongues were battling for dominance by the time Renji allowed himself to fall back to sit on the bed, pulling Uta to straddle his lap.

 

At long last, they parted for air, both staring at each other in the dark with only the moon to illuminate their view. Uta brought his hands up to run slender fingers through his lover’s hair, gently brushing it away from his face. He smiled ever so slightly as he moved forward to rest their foreheads together.

 

“Look at the mess I’ve made,” he finally broke the silence, the smallest of chuckles accompanying his words. “I am so stupid to have put you through this, my raven.”

 

“Yeah?” the other closed his eyes, taken aback by the amount of unguarded emotion in Uta’s voice. “Well, maybe we are both to blame. I was pretty stupid, too.”

 

Uta shook his head as he laid his head on his partner’s shoulder. “No, not really. I’m the one who panicked and ran away.” He leaned back to look into his eyes again. “I should have stayed and talked instead of lashing out.”

 

Renji felt his chest tighten as he realized what Uta was trying to convey. His hands clenched a bit around the thighs on either side of him. “Well you’re here now and I really don’t want to talk.”

 

“Then let me show you instead.”

 

Their lips connected again, this time with more passion than before. Uta moved forward, his hips pressing down against Renji’s to show him the effect the kiss had on him. Renji moved them more onto the bed, laying Uta down so he could hover over him. The look in Uta’s eyes was enough to tell him he had the green light to do as he pleased. Slowly, he worked on undressing the man below him, his lips trailing down his neck. He stopped for a moment to lick at his tattooed words, a clear reminder of their relationship.

 

He bit down on the flesh beneath his lips hard enough to draw blood forcing a loud moan to escape from Uta. He lapped at the red liquid, relishing in the small noises pouring from his partner. He felt Uta tugging at his shirt and pulled back to allow him to remove it. Those hands returned to run up and down his stomach. He flashed him a gentle smile before removing his own pants and boxers in one movement, leaving them both naked. Uta scooted himself up so he could wrap himself around him to bring their bodies together.

 

Renji made a small noise as he laid them back down, one hand reaching over to the headboard where he still had a bottle of lube laying from their last encounter. He stared kissing down the smaller man’s neck again as he slicked up his fingers, making sure to leave even more marks in his wake. He gently pressed one finger in, biting into Uta’s shoulder as he nearly mewled at the sensation, back arching in pleasure.

 

He set to work preparing Uta slowly, knowing he secretly enjoyed being toyed with and was rewarded with small gasps every time he brushed his fingers dangerously close to the place Uta would feel it most. When he felt his partner was stretched enough, he pulled back and ran his hands up his sides, their eyes meeting again. Uta was actually smiling up at him as he lifted his legs to wrap around his hips to help him position properly.

 

He took a moment to take in the sight below him, Uta laying back, hair splayed out on the pillow and a soft smile on his face. He was truly a beautiful sight with his cheeks flushed and his chest heaving slightly. He leaned down, lips finding his lover’s as he slowly began sliding into the willing body beneath him. Uta emitted a low groan, hands burying in silver hair as a steady pace was set, slow and deep. He moved his hips against him trying to ease Renji to go faster, harder, more.

 

Renji was more than happy to comply, his hips snapping forward roughly, urged on by dull nails scrapping down his back accompanied by short pants of his name filling the air around them. He allowed himself to become lost in the moment, overwhelmed by the thought that he had almost lost this for good. His senses become completely surrounded by Uta; his voice moaning his name with every thrust against his prostate, his hands clawing down his back in pleasure, his legs tightly wrapped around him to pull him even closer, everything about this moment. He was drowning in the ocean that was Uta and he couldn’t care less.

 

* * *

 

 

He laid on his back, Uta curled up in his arms, his head on his shoulder as he traced invisible patterns on his chest. They were silent as they basked in the intimacy of the moment, neither quite wanting to say anything to kill the mood. After the time spent apart, both believing their relationship to be over, this instant together was like a breath of fresh air after being buried alive. Uta sighed and raised onto his elbows to look down at him, his eyes searching his face for something before he finally spoke.

 

“I love you too, you know,” his eyes were uncharacteristically full of emotion as he let Renji read him like an open book for once. “I’m sorry.”

 

Renji huffed a short laugh. “You’re so bad at expressing that,” he brought up a hand to cup Uta’s face when his expression dropped at his words. “We can work on that together, though.”

 

Uta flashed that smile again and Renji found himself wishing he could see it more often. He leaned up and kissed Uta softly, putting as much love into it as he could. Now that he had this back along with the reassurance that no, this was never just lust for the other, he would be damned if he ever allowed him to walk out of his life again. From the enthusiasm with which the action was returned, he was positive Uta was thinking the exact same thing. Yeah, they were both to blame, but that really didn’t matter anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry... I haven't written smut in literal years, so I am kinda rusty. This was probably super out of character, but my babiiiiiiies!!!!
> 
> Any of my Save Me readers out there, I apologize again. I will have the next chapter out soon. I was kind of derailed mid-chapter. It is coming, I promise!
> 
> On a different note (sorry for rambling so much), I am currently accepting requests! I would prefer them to be YomoUta, but I am willing to write pretty much any pairing in this series, so long as I actually know the characters well enough... I really need to catch up with the manga. Anyways, request away! The only thing I will not write is explicit rape, so throw your kinks at me, kay?


End file.
